Getting beyond "labels

• Posted by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL. B/acc January 28, 2018 Filed in Member's Blogs 1,829 views
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  We've seen that there are many variations and combinations of gender conditions, across a wide continuum of possibilities. These are major realities that deeply affect the lives of large numbers of people in close human love relationships. Unfortunately, we don't yet have a truly adequate vocabulary for talking about this wide range of phenomena, and most people are left to their own devices when struggling to cope with gender confusions or transgender identities in their love relationships. The tendency of psychiatrists, psychologists, physicians and gender counselors to "label" us as "transvestites", ''crossdressers'', "transgender", "transsexual", etc., can greatly obscure what is going on in any given case. Gender-variant people themselves often get trapped into confusions and arguments about these labels. Counselors and their clients often dwell endlessly on questions such as "is this person (or am I) a transvestite, or really a transsexual?"  Or, "is this person a DQ or a TG or a TS?" And on and on it goes, often with an overlay of judgementalism, paternalism and condescension, with some conditions being "more acceptable" than others, or vice-versa, depending who you talk to! Wouldn't it be better to ask questions, rather than try to answer meaningless questions with and about ill-defined labels? Someone may be crossdressing, but that may or may not mean that they are a "transvestite". They could be TG or TS or DQ instead. Someone may be taking hormones and enjoy their breast development, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are TS or even TG for that matter! Can you see how labels get in the way? Labels give the illusion of standing for something real, but when you probe deeper, they sort of evaporate! We are what we do, what we feel, how we behave, and what trajectory we follow. We are always a "work in progress", just as all other human beings are. We cannot be defined once and for all by simply having a label pinned on us. 

  • What really counts is what you are feeling inside. What is your body and heart telling you that you need to do? What behaviors have you actually been engaging in? What experiences have you actually had? What gender trajectory seems to make sense for you? What physical and social changes can you, and should you make in order to find a more natural and comfortable physical/social place in life. Can you make those changes and follow that trajectory without sacrificing too much, in employment, family relations, and expectations for finding a love partner in your later life?
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  • Now those are real questions that need real answers. Someone cannot simply diagnose you and tell you: "You are TS, and thus you should do X, Y and Z". It just doesn't work that way. It is far more complex than that.  There are so many variables that it doesn't make sense to attempt "in advance" to try to figure out who is CD vs TG vs TS. You find out by watching what they actually do over time. Some people crossdress and that is enough to make them happy. You could call them "CD's", but how do you know what they might do in ten years? Some people go on to transition socially (usually with the aid of hormones). You could call them "TG's", but what does that really mean? After all, they might go further and get SRS someday, or they might even de-transition someday. Some people go on to social transition and also undergo sex reassignment surgery. You might call them "TS's"  this too has proven to be a mistake in some cases.

  The only thing that you CAN be sure of, when it comes to others, is their real observed behaviors and trajectories: If someone crossdresses, that is a REAL behavior and you can say "that person crossdresses". If someone undergoes social transition, that is a REAL behavior and change-point in their gender trajectory. You can say "so and so underwent TG transition". If someone transitions socially and undergoes SRS, that too is a REAL behavior and change-point in their gender trajectory. You can say, "so and so underwent a TS transition". But there is no meaning to labeling these people as CD, TG and TS - except as a sort of "shorthand notation" for very informally referring to those people.

   

  Gender-minority labels don't work any better for pinning down "gender minority roles" than "role-playing" used to work to define meaningful real roles in the gay community. Labels, and the presumed roles that go along with them, are just too static. Labels are too confining and too limiting in their effect on people. They are useless as predictors of what someone should do and actually will do as they discover how they really need to live and present themselves to society. Only you can decide what your heart and body are telling you to do at that particular time in your life,, what behaviors you should explore, and what detailed gender trajectory you should follow. In doing so, you should consider the widest range of options and possibilities. Do not jump to the conclusion that you are a "CD", or are a "TS", and then mimic stereotypes of "what a CD should do or not do", or what "a TS should or should not do". As you go along, be sure to allow your gender trajectory to veer off in possibly unexpected directions from your originally predicted path, as your body and heart learn to feel new things along the way. 

   

  This post was edited by Cristine Shye. BL at October 5, 2014 2:11 pm BST 
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  Cristine Jennifer Shye B.acc. BL (GS Admin)