It feels like longer, but I've only been with Transtastic about a month, maybe a little less, and only willing to share my feminine side with the world for a couple of weeks more than that.

I've been dressing since I was a little boy. I cannot pinpoint exactly when, or why, or how it started, it somehow just did. Somehow early on I worked out my feelings were 'wrong', and learnt to be discreet/secretive. I'm sure my pre-adolescent self was not some mastermind who fooled everyone in the family, but no-one ever said anything or confronted me, so any suspicions/proof they had was probably easiest ignored. It's not surprising, as the whole T-girl spectrum is a thousand miles removed from the environment I grew up in, and though I am sure they would have been supportive and tried to understand, I doubt they would have comprehended why their son wanted to be a cheerleader or majorette rather than a football star.

Since then it's been a background part of my life, sometimes important, sometimes not. I've managed to avoid the worst of the self-loathing, but even then I still feel less of a man for wanting to dress as a woman (which kinda makes sense I suppose).

I started posting on Flickr at the end of Jan 14, and it's continued since then. My pics have got more and more racy, probably because the cheesecake pics get better responses than the more refined ones. One set of pics that gets a good response is the ones in my pink party dress. This is wonderful as its the dress I grew up wanting, but would never have dared get, and certainly would never dare go dancing in. I love it, and (please forgive the vanity) think I look good in it, but I can't help wondering about how it would have been had I just had the nerve back in my early 20s to hit the clubs in it. Regrets, 'mine eyes smell onions, I shall weep anon' (oh yes, and I love Shakespeare, even though I probably just misquoted that - had I been too open about my love of theater as a boy I would probably have not survived to adulthood, so it goes).

My little tiptoe out of Narnia (i.e. the very deepest reaches of the closet) have been wonderful, but I'm also so aware of the limits of my nerve (conscience makes cowards of us all - yeah quoting great literature is annoying, even I want to hit me when I do that) that I know I'm probably as close to my limits as I'll get. I so envy all the more confident, attractive girls who have made ties in the community. The pics that I find most attractive are not the ones where the person is beautifully made up or in a stunning dress (although don't get me wrong, I love/envy those as well), but the simple ones where two or more T-girls are just hanging out together, and maybe sharing a bottle of wine. That's the true joy that I've never been able to grasp, the simple fellowship of being dressed in the company of another.

Oh and in case the above seems needlessly maudlin, please ignore and bear in mind (i) I'm in a reflective mood (or rather I'm on my third margarita and I'm a real lightweight) which always makes me into a whiny drama queen; and (ii) I have my own apartment, a nice selection of clothes, and can dress when I feel like it, which is a lot better than many of my fellow T-girls have so I can't really complain.

Tabitha

This post was edited by Deleted Member at March 12, 2014 2:38 AM GMT

Hi Tabitha and nice intro.
like your pics and looking lovely in the pink dress.

sabrina xx