Re-writing the past.

I’ve seen this a few times, especially after a relationship has ended and especially with females….

That person they once claimed to be ‘the one’ suddenly becomes the embodiment of everything they loath. They use to praise them, say how wonderful they were, how incredible the sex was, how interesting and thoughtful they were. This lover was DEFINITELY the one….so how did they become such a c**t within a few short months/years?

Rose tinted glasses slipping? Sour grapes? Unrealistic expectations? Were they bullshitting with their praise to make out the guy/girl was better than they actually were? Or do women/men just re-write the past and demonise their partners once it’s over?

What's your experience of this? Have you been the one demonised after a relationship has ended? Have you been the one pulling your ex to bits and did they really deserve it?

Adele
x

Depends how the relationship ended - Was it betrayal ?? - In which case the shock of a partner "still playing the field" when you thought you were everything to him/her can generate this kind of bitterness - On the other hand when one has come to realise that the things that brought you together are no longer there, that your interests have diverged and that the fire that once kept your passion for each other burning has been extinguished for some time - Then it is time to have the courage to move on and not indulge in bitterness and recriminations - Feelings like that are SO self-destructive - Life's too short for that xxwx

Great answer, Carole.

I've experienced the above with friends. When they're first courting they have nothing but phrase for the guy, but the minute it ends he's the devil spawned.

Sometimes its not even when the guy splits with them, but when they're trying to end a relationship and get everyone on their 'side' so to speak. Slagging him off, making him out to be a monster, just to alleviate the guilt of them not wanting to be with him anymore or having cheated on him.
This post was edited by Deleted Member at December 19, 2012 11:13 AM GMT

Yeah - that's SO destructive - not just for the one who's doing the slagging off but for everyone who crosses their path whether they be friends or just aquaintances - Then the bitter one just becomes a bore - "Laugh and the world laughs with you - Cry and you cry alone" -

Its not necessary and I'd avoid getting into a relationship with someone that slagged off his ex or was indiscreet about their time together...especially if it was early in the relationship. I wouldn't trust him not to do/say the same about me.

Right I must go and get my bath.

Catch you later hopefully, Carole.

Adele
x

Too right Hunni - Avoid those types like the plague - xx

I have to agree with Carole. I learned a long time ago that saying or even thinking bad things about an ex only made me feel worse. Best to wish then well and move on. (eventually)

THEY ARE NOT AUTHENTIC AT ALL

I think it's best to think of the times you spent together as positively as you can. You thought they were right for you then so to destroy all that by projecting the things that made you break up into the past says to me that you were fooling yourself more than they were fooling you. I'm getting a lot of this from my wife at the moment as she has told me I have to go when I start going to the GIC and she says all out time together - 30 odd years - has just been a waste of time.