'This above all: to thine own self be true.' ~ William Shakespeare

Powerful and inspiring words, but not always easy to follow.

I'm slowly getting to know some of you and understand some of the difficulties being true to yourself has been and still continues to be. Torn between love, responsibilities, fear, uncertainty and a natural desire to be the real you.

I've said to someone I love many times, I wish there were two of me. One to live the life I long for and crave and one to be with those I already love and care for. Those I have responsibilities to.

To those of you forced to keep your 'other self' hidden, what does it feel like? Does it bear any resemblance to having an affair? Something you can't disclose to the ones you love, can't truly be happy in either place and be in perpetual fear of being discovered?

xx


This post was edited by Deleted Member at December 3, 2012 9:43 PM GMT

when I was still married I kept my dressing hidden from my wife for a little while but I wasnt happy with the deceit so eventually I told her everything. Maybe not such a wise move but I cant live with dishonesty personally thats just my opinion.

An interesting quote to choose to open the forum. When asked to sum up myself for Golden Sparkle this was the one quote that came to mind. Also, when talking to other girls about their livesit is the one thing that I try to say to them all.
If you cannot be true to yourself who can you to truthful to? Before deciding to tell someone about yourself you need to tell yourself truthfully about yourself. It is terribly hard to do but probably essential.
The other thing to realise is that the you now and the you in the future can be very different, so this is not a one time thing.
Adele are you sure there is not already two of you; a work you and a family you. I know there are at least three of me; a work me, a family me and Jo. All of whom make up the myself I need to be truthful to.

Methinks a wee think, was married, many years ago(cricky sounds like millions, still only 41) she knew about my dressing, didnt bother her, then after a year or so she changed, since i had nothing to hide, couldnt get my head around her change of attitude, i have allways been open and honest, couldnt live any other way. so proberbly explains why im single. i can face the truth(ouch)

We had a discussion at home about self, when my wife said "You have to be yourself" and I described my life as a series of roles.

I have my Daddy Role, my Hubby Role, my Work Role, my Friend Role and as I do some voluntary work for a local organisation (I'm not giving too much away there, haha), I have my Responsible Citizen Role.

When I take off the roles, what I am left with is Debbie.

Occasionally, if not enough, I get to take off the roles that I have burdened myself with. The lack of responsibility that comes with the roles means that as 'myself' I am much happier.

I know that the roles I have are important to a lot of people. Removing them permanently would destroy a lot of lives, something I don't feel able to do. So I continue with the roles.

I call them roles, because that is how they feel. They are personae I put on in the sphere they are appropriate for. Those that have met Debbie have met the real me. Those that have met the roles, have not.

I will continue to look at them as roles, because if I don't .... (to finish with another Shakespeare quote) that way madness lies.

KING LEAR:
Thou think'st 'tis much that this contentious storm
Invades us to the skin: so 'tis to thee;
But where the greater malady is fix'd,
The lesser is scarce felt. Thou'ldst shun a bear;
But if thy flight lay toward the raging sea,
Thou'ldst meet the bear i' the mouth. When the mind's free,
The body's delicate: the tempest in my mind
Doth from my senses take all feeling else
Save what beats there. Filial ingratitude!
Is it not as this mouth should tear this hand
For lifting food to't? But I will punish home:
No, I will weep no more. In such a night
To shut me out! Pour on; I will endure.
In such a night as this! O Regan, Goneril!
Your old kind father, whose frank heart gave all,--
O, that way madness lies; let me shun that;
No more of that.

Seems appropriate.

Debbie

I think you were right to tell her Gini. I wonder when is the right time to tell a partner that you like to dress as a woman or want to be a woman?

It's not something you can come straight out with on the first date, especially if you worry it'll get out and you want to keep it private.

Hard one there.

Josephine Green ....'An interesting quote to choose to open the forum. When asked to sum up myself for Golden Sparkle this was the one quote that came to mind. Also, when talking to other girls about their livesit is the one thing that I try to say to them all.
If you cannot be true to yourself who can you to truthful to? Before deciding to tell someone about yourself you need to tell yourself truthfully about yourself. It is terribly hard to do but probably essential. The other thing to realise is that the you now and the you in the future can be very different, so this is not a one time thing.
Adele are you sure there is not already two of you; a work you and a family you. I know there are at least three of me; a work me, a family me and Jo. All of whom make up the myself I need to be truthful to.'

Hiya Josephine, you're right, there are many me's that all go to make up Adele....though they all make an appearance or overlap with one another when they make an appearance.

x

I'll have to come back in a little while, need to ring someone. xx

Jallie, that's really sad. To find someone who accepts you and then changes her mind. I guess none of us really know how something will really affect us until we've lived with it a while. Words are cheap I guess.

Having role's that take up more time than Debbie gets, that's got to be hard going :-( Trying to act a part for days at a time must be exhausting and frustrating.

xxxxxx

I am very luck - Mrs M is very happy to know marianne and rather likes her!

Marianne

XX