This is a topic I've raised elsewhere in the past and has had varying degrees of success. I'm not sure if it would be of any interest here, but I'll give it a whirl.

A while back, friends and I were discussing 'Romance' and what it means to us. Whether we see it as being over-rated or undernourished.

We all agreed that the notion of romance is purely individual. A personal ideal. What one finds romantic another may consider a cliché or even and overtly contrite expression.

What are your views on 'Romance?' Is it alive and kicking in your life? Do you consider yourself romantic and what's the most romantic thing you've done or that has happened to you?

Here goes my first attempt at a thread on here.

Love
Adele
x

I just nipped onto StumbleUpon before getting on with what I was meant to be doing hours ago....ie looking at directions for tomorrows journey...anyway, I found this link and thought I'd stick it on here.

'45 Romantic Getaways In Europe'

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/33J2NR/www.flexijourney.com/blog/45-romantic-getaways-in-europe/

The above Stumble link made me log back on and come back to this topic.

Is what some consider to be romance or romantic not some capitalist ploy dreamt up by our wonderful marketing divisions to separate us from our cash?

We're constantly bombarded by advertisements telling us that flowers, music, chocolates are a romantic gift and yet are they? We're assailed by images of couples strolling languidly hand in hand across sandy shorelines or around beautiful old towns and cities with cobbled streets, obviously in love (because they are very well trained actors paid to be in love for that particular 90 second commercial) and told that the only way we can express our inner love is by travelling to exotic climes, involving vast expenditure.

In a day and age where such gifts are common place, can they truly be said to contain any more romantic notion within them than the plastic wrapper or glossy brochure they are delivered in? Maybe, once, such overtures could be considered to be a heart warming gift, when the notion of obtaining such was, in itself, a task to be reckoned with, but these days?

Still, if anyone fancies being romantic with me, I fancy a trip to the Amalfi Coast, in particular Positano (Italy). Thanks in advance :-D

I don't think romance is dead but it's differs over time. Just look at the films made of Jane Austin novels. As far as being dead now - never.
My younger daughter and boyfriend were obviously a couple and we were waiting for the announcement. Where would he ask her: on a romantic beach, on top of the empire state building or track side at a F1 meeting. No he wrapped the ring as if it were a normal Christmas present and gave it to her on Christmas morning with her special morning gifts (made sure it was on top). He was even able to slide round beside her so he was down on one knee when she opened the box and he was able to ask. I knew what he intended as he came to ask my permission the day before!
As far as simple romance, it has to be the dinner for two we had in the middle of a rice paddy, surrounded by candles, serenaded by frogs and captivated by fireflies that danced round the whole meal. Just the two of us and exquisite Balinese dishes.

Oh God that sounds beautiful, Josephine. Truly. I'm in love with romance...though some of my words may make others think otherwise.

Surely what we should be concentrating on is the notion. What moves the individual at the time to express themselves. Maybe not even that. Maybe we should look at that which is carried out without any ulterior motive or attempts to carry favour. The common place, everyday occurrence that says “I care for this person” and that their very existence motivates and colours all that I do or care to do.

I am sure some people will still feel there is a place for the extravagant overt and often vulgar gushing shows of “romance”. But is that because they have now linked romance to expenditure? Could we now be looking at a generation who subscribe to the notion of pecuniary romance?

A beautiful piece of music for you to listen to....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=L7u9GK6u-PM#!

Ok, what if you're not embroiled in a microwave romance and are in for the long haul, does that change the notion and nature of romance? Do you substitute long stemmed roses for doing the ironing or allowing your partner certain liberties in a quid pro quo sort of arrangement (and I leave you to decide what kind of liberties)? Or is it the absence of romance that is to blame for the short term nature of many relationships? In other words, are we so sold on the notion of romance as an idealistic (and arguably unrealistic) dream that consigns so many 'real' relationships to the scrap heap?

The question though "Is the art of romance dead?" is also an interesting thought. Just what is the art of romance? Is it in the physical or mental? Is it in what we offer or what we do? Or in all of these things?

The actual word "art" would imply something that is learned and practiced to achieve a certain level or degree of aptitude. Can you learn romance? Surely if you learn it then it becomes a lesson in the ability to manipulate emotions and that, to my mind, is a rather malicious thought. To manipulate another to achieve your own goals by "playing with their emotions", and whilst there are an awful lot of people of this nature in life – does that make them Romantic? Would you honestly want to date or have a relationship with someone who has practiced to be romantic? Wouldn't practicing said skills actually make you a lothario (or female equivalent)? Maybe it would seem to be ideal, that there should almost be a lack of art thus rendering what is carried out as romance is indeed genuine and sincere.

I dont think romance is totally dead but I agree with you that a lot of people seem to have lost the gist of it. A romantic situation can come from nowhere if we only spare the time to let it happen. Its certainly not about following a trend and spending a fortune on february 14th on cliche roses and other peoples sentiments on cardboard grettings cards. Or even the perfect wedding that is just a contrived plasitic event just intended to look good in a wedding video. If you are a couple, just making time to spend with each other and doing something that seems special to the two of you. Or any gesture to show you think of the other person when you are appart. I think sometimes people expect too much after seeing artificial romance in the movies. Not everyone has the imagination to create a unique romantic situation to match the images we see in the media but people can still show their deep affection in the simplest of ways.
This post was edited by Gini Mitchell at November 24, 2012 8:29 PM GMT

Oh Gini, I'm really sorry I didn't spot that you'd replied. Thank you for your contribution.

I agree with you.

I guess we also have to look at what stage people are at in their relationship. What you'd do on a first and second date, would be completely different from what you'd do if you'd been in a relationship for many years.

Even some of my own words I'm not entirely in agreement with at times. For instance, a partner doing the ironing for you, is that really romantic or just them being helpful? It would certainly be a good thing for them to do, but as for it sweeping you off your feet or making you feel romanced, I'm unsure.

In my blog on this subject, I say the following....

"Surely what we should be concentrating on is the notion. What moves the individual at the time to express themselves. Maybe not even that. Maybe we should look at that which is carried out without any ulterior motive or attempts to carry favour. The common place, everyday occurrence that says “I care for this person” and that their very existence motivates and colours all that I do or care to do."

I'm not even sure that this holds true. I'm only human. If I did something beautiful for someone, I'd hope they'd have the decency to acknowledge what I done, therefore gaining some pleasure and inner satisfaction that I'd done something good for my lover. Maybe there isn't such a thing as a selfless act between adults. (Excluding parents and their children.)

Yes Adele I think it matters a lot at what stage of a relationship a couple are in. For example a young couple would really need the feedback from a romantic gesture to make it seem complete. But you often hear about very old married people who barely speak to each other ( not in a bad way but simply because they are so comfortable and in tune with each other) But they make gestures and sacrifices that could be considered romantic that seem to go without acknowledgement. But if questioned by an outsider you would discover that they appreciate the other person very deeply. More than words can expess in fact.
I think romance is about begining a relationship and trying to demonstrate youre affection but real true love comes later and needs no justification or words to prove it. It simply IS
This post was edited by Gini Mitchell at November 29, 2012 6:49 PM GMT

Hmm actually I think I may have strayed off the topic from romance to love. LOL I better have another think about it.

It's difficult not to have love and romance walk hand in hand.

A new relationship doesn't necessarily have love, but a desire to woo one another, to see where it may lead. It may lead no further than the scrap heap, or the bedroom, but who knows....this could be 'the one.'

Thank you again for participating, Gini xxx

I havent finished yet. I just need to ponder over it a little

Ponder away. :-) xxxxxxxx

We teach manners to children, they don't come naturally. Maybe looking at it all again, learning to be attentive, to listen and gauge a persons needs and desires is all part of our development.

Two guys could romance a woman in exactly the same way, but if the chemistry isn't there, the outcome could be vastly different. She'd could report back that one was incredibly romantic and attentive, while the other appeared too much, sickly and over the top with their affection.

Hmmmmm!!

Errmmm, was brought up as polite child, since i have grown older, well shucks, i still am. as Adele says chemistry works, but manners work better.
kisses to all, then why not.

Jallie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx