I'm sure I am not alone, knowing who I am, what I want, what makes me feel good-that little secret I have; that I pretend I don't have.
It's not me that dresses like a woman, that's the other me.
The other me, well that's the honest one; the part of me that can't ignore the facts that I have had the urge, the need to cross dress since I was 5 or 6. I can look back and yes there are times, I was going to say I didn't think about it, that'd be a lie looking back even in happy relationships there were always moments when I knew
Now, I'm nearly 50 & just wanted to be honest with myself...so I thought I'd write this post.
I haven't dressed for nearly a year, I don't think a day has gone by when at some point I haven't thought about dressing, when I walk through boots or superdrug, I can't help myself, I try not to look (I'm a straight guy I tell myself) but all those products, rainbows of nail polish, lip sticks, eye shadow, they strike a chord deep inside of me....

I don't know why I still fight what's obvious...

I've attached a few pictures, this was a time maybe 3 years ago when for a short time I was dressing daily, I would fully feminise, make up, wig, manicured and polished finger and toe nails.
At the time I had my own place after sharing flats for a few years, I finally had some freedom, I also was in a relationship, one night after she'd left I just decided I wanted to start cross dressing again; I went online and bought everything, wigs, clothes, lingerie, shoes, make up, false nails, eyelashes, nail polish.
Eventually when everything arrived the weekend came, I made an excuse so I didn't have to see the gf.
It was the first time I truly transformed, that I felt like and looked like a woman.
From that night on I'd spend every chance I could dressing, I ended my relationship because I found more pleasure in transforming myself, putting on make up, cross dressing, - I can honestly say, these were the best moments of my life; A time when I allowed myself to embrace & to accept. It's hard to express that feeling of femininity, painting my nails
It's funny spending so much time fighting something that makes me so happy,

I like how I look in the mirror, when I see a woman look back at me; I feel good when I see the pictures of me;
So I don't want to lie or hide anymore; I don't want to waste more time-
I'm 49 so spent 40 years really living in denial, I always knew the truth-you cant run from yourself.
I hope that I find the courage inside to embrace the person, the woman inside; I don't want to be scared or ashamed of myself or how I feel anymore.
I want to feel free, I am going to feel free...
I just cant see the point of pretending anymore, when I think about it, its ridiculous

There's no denying it Mark, Nicole Jules is not a passing phase....like I said at the start,
I know deep down the truth, I am happiest when I am dressed and made up to look like a woman, when I have painted nails,
I think 2018 is the year I stop kidding myself