Hi girlfriends,

I need the large range of advice that I can get from all of you, so here I go!

Please read my introduction post, the comments, and my profile too, then please comment below.
my intro
http://www.transtastic.com/se4/forums/topic/10/i-trip-in-my-heels

OK, so you get who Jasmine is? Now listen up cute naughty monkeys!

I am at THE crossroads where I can continue the wonderful life I have with my family, or I can venture forth as Jasmine, part-time, but in a more open way. (I do like being a guy half the time, and Jasmine the other half.) I love my wife very much, but she is not really into the CD thing, she says that I look like a good looking version fo my sister, but she like the man I am, not the girl I am too. She may be willing to let some things happen, me dressing while she is away, at home in the privacy and safety of home. But she knows that I am bisexual too, and that doesn't calm her down. I respect her deeply, and if we are to remain together, it will be monogamy all the way, but I would still want to have Jasmine out once in a while. That includes getting together with other CD/Tgirl couples for friendship and dinner parties, etc. If I am to venture on my own, I will continue to support and love my kids like a good dad, and always be there for the family as needed in life. But when it comes to being Jasmine part-time it would be part of my new social (and at home) life that I crave. No fear of going out with other trannys, vacations to the UK (you girls rock), no fear of my shopping, etc.

I am afraid of losing what I have, and what I might not have, if that makes sense? My wife wants me to choose life with her of course, but she wants me to be honest with myself too. She is my lover and my best friend, but I think I need some input. And yes, we are seeing a professional too!

Kisses and thanks,

Jasmine

A relationship with someone who is transgendered can either be heaven or hell. Im not sure i could date a tranny if i was female, but im not.
Your together, that says something about your relationship, married with kids, people dont do that lightly, so the foundations are good, and she wants honesty, which is something we all want.
Did she know about your bi side before you get wed? xxx

I can only say that being true to your feelings is the only basis for life as a human being in what ever form or situation.

Your Wife obviously loves you. And you love her.

There are many facets of our mirror of humanity that can remain hidden or dormant.

Perhaps your wife has a few too ?

I believe we all are actors performing our roles as much as we allow the director to direct ?

I don't mean any sort of God, unless you believe in some bullshit ? I mean relaxing your mind and
allowing yourself to be and trusting the love of your loved ones ....

Jasmine,

As you are finding out there are no quick fixes here - its a long process where both you and your wife need to set the future rules for your relationship so that you can continue to love each other and still retain your individuality, whilst supporting each other through the rocky patches.

I speak with some experience - both from my own marriage and through friendships. For me my marriage ended with divorce in the late 90s, but my ex wife and I still talk every week and we took it in turns being single parents. I had several close T girl friends when I lived in Holland who had strong marriages or relationships with partners who more than accepted their transvestism - they took part at T girl events and clearly showed love and support. Since I came back to the UK almost 4 years ago I have made some really close friends in the TG community and several of them have wives or partners who have a similar approach of love and tolerance. I met a few of those women over the past two days at Sparkle - and their T girl partners are lucky people.

Jasmine I wish you luck in the next stage of your journey. It seems to me like you are doing all the right things - and clearly your wife loves you as much as you love her. She is not alone...there are other women like her. There are some books written by wives - one is written by Peggy Rudd. here is the link which gives you other titles.

http://www.amazon.com/Crossdressing-Dignity-Transcending-Gender-Lines/dp/0962676217

There are also some groups that offer support to wives and partners of T girls; I am not sure if there are any in Canada. If I can be of any more help in any way just send me a message.

Big hugs to you and your wife

Pauline xxxx

Oh, thank you girls,
We have had some good conversations lately, adn are going to couples therapy together, so I am going to keep things nice a slow for now. She is really tolerant of most things, we are just trying to establish our boundries, that we can both agree to.

Hugs & kisses
Jasmine

Jasmine, I can only agree to the other girls. Don´t hustle this decisions. Your wife needs time to realize what she want´s too and needs time to see that you did not change at all. You where and still are a person with more than one side. (LOL, that´s nothing bad, most people have more than one side and it´s not our fault that our other side is feminine...) Try to work out together with her how much of "Jasmine" she is able to indulge without being hurt too much. From my point of view, the "All or nothing" path in most cases lead to great loss and many tears on all sides.
But then, who am I to give advices, I´m only in the middle of that process myself!
Hugs to you and your wife and all my best wishes.
Ailana

Thanks Girls. Yeah, taking my time with this...

Kisses
Jasmine

Part of the story is understanding REALLY why you do it. I agonised about it for years. Recently I carried out one of those gender questionnaires and the answer (copied below, I think, has finally enabled me to explain it to myself. See what you think or do the COGIATI test your self and see if you can discuss it with your wife: Message Body




The
COMBINED GENDER IDENTITY AND TRANSSEXUALITY INVENTORY
(COGIATI)





Your COGIATI result value is: -70 Which means that you fall within the following category:



COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE



What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially androgynous, both male and female at the same time, or possibly neither. In some cultures in history, you would be considered to be a third sex, independent of the polarities of masculine or feminine. Your gender issues are intrinsic to your construction, and you will most likely find your happiness playing with expressing both genders as you feel like it.



SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION:



Your situation is a little tricky in our current society, but not tremendously so, depending on your geographic location.



The suggestions for your circumstance are not overly complicated.


1.
If you have any comfortability about your gender expression, some slight degree of counseling might well prove helpful. The primary goal would be to make it possible for you to enjoy your gender expressions free from any shame or embarrassment, and to resolve any remaining questions you might have.

2.
As an androgynous being, both genders, and both sexes are natural to your expression. Permanent polarization in either direction might bring significant unhappiness. It is not recommended that you go through a complete transsexual transformation. You might find a partial transformation of value, if you find yourself more attracted overall to the feminine. You are more likely a transgenderist, than a transsexual. It is recommended that you recognize that your gender issues are real, but that extreme action regarding them should be viewed with great caution.

3.
If you have not already, consider joining any of the thousands of groups devoted to gender play of various varieties. There is literally a world of friends to discover who share your interests. There are also publications, vacations, and activities that would expand your gender play.

Hi Jasmine,

A ex-girlfriend was the one that actually got me into dressing up for the first time, yes it was for a kinky night of passion she wanted, I went along with it, but as we was getting me dressed, I was actually enjoying it, we took it to the next level and went out alot around town, pubs, clubs etc, but we ended the relationship as she was seeing people behid my back, that wasnt part of the lifestyle we had planned, I carried on dressing afterwards, it was when I was living with another female, she didnt know about my secret, but I did it when she was at work as we worked totally different shift styles, so I was able to dress alot in the mornings, well one morning she had gone to work for 5am start, I got up early about 6am and got myself ready to go for a walk to a wooded area to take some photos then go to town to look round the shops, but as I walked out the door, in basque and undie set, jumper dress, waist cincher, stockings, knee high stilletto boots, full length denim coat, full make up and long black wig, she walked up the path, she had come home as she was feeling sick, well I was in a situation I didnt think would happen, she went mad, thinking I was a woman just leaving her boyfriends place, then she realised it was me and not woman, she was like your wife, she said I lloked good, very convincing , feminine and even sexy, but it wasnt what she wanted from me, we went back in and sat in silence for a while and then chatted, she said I had to pick either her or the dressing up as she put it, later I went to work, when I got back home she had wrecked every bit of my feminine lifestyle, every piece of clothing was in strands on the floor, wigs cut up, heels broken of every shoe and boot, make up wrecked and bleach poured over, handbags had the handles cut off, I was in a total shock, she choose my path that I was never to dress as a woman again, I hated it that she choose the path and not me, also hated it because of what she did to all my stuff, what took alot of time and money to get together. she then left me few weeks later, as I was still having tenderances to dress, I was using her stuff, so if she didnt like it, she would have to cut her stuff up but she wouldnt do that, she just left, it is a very hard choice to make, but as you said, you have the support of your kids, and the love of your wife, even though she isnt happy about it and you love your wife too, I personall think by my experiences, if you say you wont do it no more and later on she finds out you are still dressing, even maybe meeting people no mtter for just shopping and chatting or for sexual reasosn, she will be very disappointed, and hurting, its then the trust has gone, can she rely on anything that might be said or done afterwards.

all the best to you and your wife and family, not everyone who is transgendered get a understanding and supportive family.

Samantha xx