'How do we tell the children that their dad is a transvestite?'

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/apr/25/how-do-we-tell-the-children-that-their-dad-is-a-transvestite?CMP=fb_gu

It's an interesting article. They couple in the article treat the crossdressing as something private rather than secret. Although kids seem to be a lot more aware of the gender fluidity these days compared to when I was young I would still worry about bullying. We have a lot of kids, some adult now, and we haven't told them about my joy in crossdressing. If they found out I suspect they would be mostly ok with it, but at the moment it is easier to keep it as our business. I take a lot more care than the crossdresser in the article when it comes to concealing it which curtails my oportunities somewhat, but I see it as a fair compromise.

Thanks Daryl for the link, an interesting article which highlights the dilemmas many of us face. Do we, don't we, how do we tell the children?

And that key issue is the one which in my opinion Stephanie/Stephen in the article is not facing up to, she is hoping it will go away or they will find out by osmosis and that nothing will change in their family life. I told my son when he was 9, together with my ex wife, and though he accepts my dressing (he is now 26) he never wants to see Pauline or talk about it and I know that he would prefer if I wasn't the way I am. We asked lots of people for advice about whether or not to tell him, but we made the choice. It's not easy - either to make the decision to tell or not to actually tell, and then it's not easy telling your child.

In my view because Stephanie mixes up her two persona on his FB account she/he wants the cat out of the bag. He/she needs to think through the potential issue of bullying of his daughters at school, plus lots of other ramifications.

Maybe society has moved on since I came out in the late 90s in Holland, and it will be easier now than it was almost 20 years ago? I agree with Jenny bullying is potentially a big issue - especially as the 2 girls become teenagers. And I also sense that the wife is not wild about Stephanie being so public; I have seen enough wives and partners at tranny events over the years with pain in their eyes (you can almost see the bubble......what am I doing at this event with all these men dressed as women?).

It's not easy being TG as we all know, and everyone has to make their own choices about telling their partner (or not) and children (or not). We still haven't reached a situation where being trans is as acceptable as being gay in mainstream UK society, so sometimes the choices are difficult. I will say though that just letting things happen is not a responsible choice where your children are concerned - either tell them or hide it but don't sit on the fence like Stephanie is.

hugs


Pauline xxx
This post was edited by Pauline Smith at April 26, 2015 10:40 AM BST

My wife has known since before we were married. At first she was far from happy about it but as the years have gone by she has become more at ease with it all. Now the only thing, literally, she won't do is see me dressed.
We never intended for our daughter to know about it at all, she really didn't need to. She really did find out by accident, silly mistakes by me and my wife, the final clue being three bras hanging drying. She isn't stupid!
My daughter was 19 then and took it brilliantly well to the point that she has been out with me. But I am very aware it could have gone the other way.
In my humble opinion I think it's safer not to tell anyone that doesn't need to know.

For me, even though I haven't got a family to 'out' to, I still found the article incitful, incitful of dialogue. Always productive.

As Jenny rightfully described it, CDing is a 'joy'. Heels, perfume etc, even the process, the 'ritual' (as some call it), of CDing is a joy.

Children and wives, though, are a different kettle of sociology.

Ethically, we are supposed to judge those that uphold a familial semblance of 'normality' whilst secretly squirting perfume on their knickers in private.

Should we? Yes. The CDer should have had the balls to announce this to their partner at the start.

Mmmm sounds like a part time Tv who wants the world to know, stumbling along with either no game plan or no clue, I agree Linda, keep it to yourself's if your not going to live as a female permanently at least until you know what you really want / are ,. . . there not really being fair to there children and they will be to blame if it gets out and in the school before there kids are ready or have no support ! arm them. . . . before you out yourself
This post was edited by Devon :) READ THE BLOODY PROFILE PEOPLE ! at April 26, 2015 4:02 PM BST

Oh I do wish there was a "template" that we could fill in to explain to the world about us!! But there isn't and we each do what we think is right in our situation. I do think though that Pauline has summed it up well, Stephen and Carla are hoping the children find out by osmosis and they will just accept it. And they may do - I hope for all their sakes it works out well.

Life is simple for me - no kids to worry about and my long term partner dumped me because I wanted to cross dress more. Amazing how it's possible to live with someone for years then discover you never really knew them. Perhaps that's what we both think about each other I reckon, but I would not compromise, would not 'tow the line' and stop cross dressing. So far, family, my employers and circles of friends have all been supportive. Sometimes it seems as if cross dressing is 'not the full commitment' is the attitude that comes from people. I'll dress as I like whenever I like wherever I like, and sod the critics, it's got nothing to do with them. I don't want to criticise those who judge, because that's a judgement in itself, so, each to their own and anyone who has a problem can just fuck off. Rant over

My son said to me the other night - dad I know you have brought me up non-judgemental but I just cannot get my head around why men wear women's clothes. So, I won half the battle … xxxx