I'm looking for what advice. I'm transgender, but still a bit confused of me in relation to the outside world.

First of a bit of information about myself. I'm 25 and live in Belgium. All my friends and family know me as a handsome tall straight guy. At the moment I see myself as a normal guy who sometimes likes to be feminine. I have confided with a few people of my feelings. I'm considering coming out to rest of my family and close friends. I'm not planning on telling the whole world. But if I'm asked, I will stop denying it. I'm tired of hiding this secret. I want to be open and truthful to my surroundings. I am lucky enough to know that I will be accepted. I want to come out of the closet, because of previous relationships with women. I always told my girlfriends after a week of 2 about my femme side, but my femme side was always something that was ignored whilst in a relation. The problem is that I can show my masculine side with a lot of confidence. However my feminine side lacks confidence. I'm really not comfortable talking about it. I always fear that if I show to much I'll scare people/her away. I'm not afraid of really losing someone, because of my coming out. I'm more afraid of my career implications and the possibility of future children.

How do I find a girlfriend who appreciates this side of me? I would like to have kids one day. However I don't know how me being transgender and having kids mix? I know it is possible, just not how.

This year I graduated as a mechanical engineer. I started searching for a job. I would like to manage a project or something of that sort. But I'm afraid my coming out will greatly decrease my career possibilities. Plus I'm not comfortable being a boss when everybody knows that I dress. I will never show that side of myself at work, but I'd prefer not hiding it.

So to conclude I have 2 questions:
- How can I combine being transgender with kids and a family?
- Can I be a good mechanical engineer in a masculine environment without hiding myself? Or do you advice only coming out to a select group to protect my career?

I would really appreciate your opinion!

I know it's not really a very easy subject. But is there really no one with a bit of experience in this area?

It is impossible to give a complete or helpful response, only you know you exact situation. You should take your time and discover exactly who you are and how you wish to live your life. Whatever you do is both wrong and right, if you lock yourself away you risk harming yourself mentally, if you come out, some may react in a bad way. Those that care for you will accept you. You will be surprised about who does and who can't. Remember some may take a little time to adjust to the new you.

Life is there to be lived, chaos, good times bad times, success and failure. Don't stress out, just enjoy the ride.

Good Luck.

Very profound Toni and 'OH' so true !!

Thank you Toni and Alana, I'll find my way :-).

Cindy,
What an honest and realistic message. I have never confronted the issue of coming out to girlfriends or partners so I am not qualified to comment.

As for your job, I can speak as a project manager and supervisor for 30 years. Your choice is be a successful worker and then go public, or go public and try to get a job. It should not matter but it does. Unless you are in an industry where sexual identity makes no difference, establish yourself first. When you are an essential member of the company, you can negotiate your own terms. Recruiters will almost always chose the candidate who represents the lowest risk.

Thank you Smokey Dee,
:-) I'm glad for the advice in the job department. I needed a bit of hard truth. It's something I already knew, but I needed to hear it again. I think I'll just come out to some close friends and leave it at that. I'm glad I posted this. It gave me time to sort out my feelings. Thank you!