Coming out one by one

• Posted by Rachel Maxwell December 15, 2013 #coming out  #  #nervousnes  #acceptance  2,656 views
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  Maybe it's because I've been slightly tipsy tonight, maybe it was the fact that it was 230 in the morning, when I went downstairs to knock on my neighbours door. But somehow. I managed to blurt out that I was TS and he could call me Rachel. We had a good quick conversation and made our apologies.  He said he had tried to contact me earlier, but I didn't answer my door. Anyway, what is done cannot be undone.

   

  This is just the first of many such occurences. I trembled and shook for 15 minutes after. Was I terrified that he would hit me or freak out or laugh? Was I afraid he might have some kind of a backlash? Honestly, I wasn't sure. I was shaking about as much as I did when I yelled at my dad after my mum had a stroke and he didn't take her to Hospital immediately. It's one thing to come out to a very close friend or someone else who is transgendered. It's something else altogether to come out to your neighbour, or other friends, and family. 

   

  It reminds me of when I went to a work site after my therapy session with make up on. The proprieter noticed and said as much. More like in a joking fashion that everyone could do what they wanted to do. If I wanted to wear make up now that was my thing. I didn't have the where-with-all to say I was TS. Although, it is an adult boutique. I still have a few hundred people to come out to.

   

  Whether or not my neighbour will remember this or not tomorrow, I don't know. I don't think it would be something I would forget . I don't even know why I told him. Maybe just so he wouldn't think I was weird if he saw me in  make up. Maybe he is downstairs telling his party guests that I'm a freak. But he didn't freak out. He just was like wow, okay. Rachel. (yes, I told him to call me that). i think it is because he used my real name and I just blurted it out. It's bound to happen sometime. There are now. only a very small handful of people irl, that know now. Their names aren't important right now. In a way it is a good thing that I don't know that many people. 

   

  Honestly, I don't hang out with that many people here in Norway. I'm bizarre in that I don't like large groups of people, I like to be alone. However, at the same time, I hate being lonely. I like living around people who share common interests and where we don't get in each others way. Unfortunately, I have a difficult time opening up to strangers. But as I have to make annoucements about being out, I guess it makes it easier. 

   

  I am a much happier person because baggage is being slowly shed. I thank everyone here for the encouragement they have provided thus far. Deborah Taylor, Amy TGurl, Carol Tights, Gemma V3™, Fiona Cole, Katrina Roberts, Carol Tights, Jaqui Jackson, Raven Drake, Crimson, Gemme Maquillage, Pauline Smith, Peter Oram, Mal Redman, and anyone else who has been encouraging or said a kind word, if I forgot your name I apologize. 

   

  Thanks ^^

   

  Rachel xxx