Post appointment #3

• Posted by Rachel Maxwell December 9, 2013 3,727 views
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  Dear Diary,

  Words of warning, this entry will be all over the place.Well, the therapist is just full of surprises. I guess I misunderstood him last time. He keeps saying that he will refer me, but he wants to see me two more times. I really hope he isn't trying to drag this out. Maybe 5 visits is what the magic number is, I don't know. It doesn't seem like it. He did ask me today at the end of the session if I had any questions. And I responded with When can I get anti-angrogens. To which he replied when you've been referred to the proper clinic. I stated that I couldn't wait to be on my way. He responded with, "You are already on your way". Really mixed feelings. I know that it is his job to weed people out. You don't want to be the doctor that someone later blames in life for letting you do something like this. It is pretty major. I know of one person who had ffs and srs and then later regretted that for reasons I am not certain of. It is a lifetime of change. 

  
  

  I felt very comfortable today in public looking like this. I dare say I felt really girlie. I envy the young girls and women my age who have had a lifetime of being beautiful and feminine. Especially the voice. I found myself observing and cataloguing the differences between the male and female vocal abilities. Sadly, I was genetically gifted with a rich bassy set of chords. Fortunately, I can do some voices. Someone told me I need to find my female voice, but everytime I look online for it, nobody has a copy. 

  
  

  Anyway, the session was a bit different than the last one. It almost felt like, now he had enough information to start asking some questions. He asked some doozies. How did I feel? Why did I say that the clothes didn't matter. What did my ex-wife think wasn't very manly about me. 

  
  

  I told him that I was aware there were complications with surgery and even just hrt. I know things can go wrong. I told him that I didn't expect to look like a super model. I just wanted to look more fem. I forgot to mention that my voice also needed work, but I will surely bring it up next time. Next appointment is in a months time 14. January 2014. 

   

  So I am happy that he says I'm on my way, but sad that it is being prolonged. But this is no doubt a test. One that I plan on passing I plan on colouring my hair as well. What colour I won't say right now, but I think it will be nicer.  Anyway, will add another entry later if I think of something else.