Need thoughts and opinions

• Posted by Rachel Maxwell August 12, 2013 #Support  #help  #questions  2,002 views
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  Does anyone else here think I am just a crossdresser? Honestly? Just because I haven't decided to go full-time yet? I am going to be going to a therapist about this. I don't feel very horny when I am wearing my womens clothes. Then again, they aren't supposed to be sexual or tantalizing, but normal. I like looking girly and femme. I like women and other like-minded girls. Am I mistaken? I have been involved with this scene on and off for over 10 years now.

  
  

  I first started off in the irc channels tschat and bschat. I even became an admin there briefly. I learned a lot in that time. I even made some hesitant steps into womens clothes, and then stopped dead after I met an MtF. For nearly 8 years i supressed my desire to wear womens clothing. Not the sexual stuff, but just day to day stuff. Panties, Bras, socks, trousers, shirts, blouses. I want to be as convincing as possible as Rachel. I even want to start voice training. I've thought about starting 'mones. 

  
  

  Mostly, I don't know what I want though. I've never been very good at living for myself. I've always tried to live up to what other people want or expect or think that they see. That is why it has taken me so long to get here. I don't know if I want to go all the way or not. I'm too afraid and ashamed of letting other people down. Plus, how do I know that I want this? It is a huge life altering phase of my life. It scares me. It intruiges me.

  
  

  As I said, I am going to go to see a therapist about this and maybe figure some stuff out. Mostly all therapists do is help you understand and deal with what you already know. I suffer from cognitive dissonance. Meaning, I know that I have problems, (such as explaining things to people), and I know I need to fix them.

  
  

  That is why I came to this site at least. To hopefully chat with someone who knows someone or is someone going through what I am going through. I am not just here for the sex games. 

  
  

  Thanks for reading this. Please comment and like. 

  
  

  Rachel