Work

• Posted by Deleted Member January 19, 2013 #  #  798 views
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  Sunday Nights

   

  I find Sunday nights particularly unpleasant. I shouldn’t, Sunday nights should be special, but I suffer two-pronged attack on my spirits. Firstly, Sunday night is followed by Monday morning, and I don’t think too many people look forward to getting up to go to work.  And those who do shouldn’t be too smug about it. As for the rest of us, we just have to grin and bear it. The other assault is having strip back to reveal what lies beneath, a man. I know I do this every night, and every night I sleep en femme, but for some reason, on a Sunday night it upsets me more. Perhaps it’s because it marks the end of two and a half days of solid me time. Perhaps it’s to do with the return to work, probably the last place in my life where I am definitely more masculine than feminine, although this too is slowly changing.

   

  I think Sunday nights are painful precisely because of the work thing. It is probably the single largest obstacle I face, psychologically and physically. There seems to be many issues tied up with going full time and maintaining my job. Not just maintaining my job, but also maintaining professional credibility. I’m self-employed and work as a contractor. I work in a male dominated industry, and my time is split between office and shop floor. I don’t know how people will react when my ‘condition’ becomes public knowledge. Hopefully they’ll continue to make fun of me as they do at the moment! I think most of the men will ignore me, or ignore that fact I want to be seen as a woman, And the few women? I’m unsure, I think some will accept me, and others wont. In fact that will most likely be true for everyone regardless. They are my colleagues, not my friends, so I’m not too bothered. I’m more concerned about maintaining professional credibility and putting my face on!

   

  My general attitude at work is getting more feminine, and I find myself pushing my limits a little further every day. My colleagues are unsure what to make of me. I know there are plenty of rumours about me, about where I lie on the spectrum of gay to straight, but I refuse to confirm or deny anything, and it drives some of them crazy. I take great pleasure in being as camp as I can, and when I was accused of walking like a woman, it opened the floodgates to some no holes barred mincing. But having said all that when it all gets official and serious, then things change. It’s then the man comes back, or is that just my professional side? I prefer the later option.

   

  There’s also getting to work. I commute by bicycle and I do it because it keeps me fit, I don’t get involved in all the traffic on the way home, but most importantly because I enjoy it. Which brings me to the next point, putting my face on, which takes me nearly an hour. So I’ll have to get to work an hour earlier to start on time. Which means I’ll have to get up an hour earlier. Or I put my face on at home and I drive in, but I don’t want to give up cycling. And then once I’m at work with my face on, I’m going to have to decide what is suitable attire for my position, and to be honest this is the least of my worries, but safety shoes are a concern. I’m a size ten and it’s hard enough getting shoes as it is, let alone steel toecaps! I know I’m just going to have to do the man shoe thing, I’m already resigned to that. But the other practical issues, mainly putting my face on, requires further thought, and probably more importantly practice.

   

  So that’s my work concerns in a nutshell, well most of them. Of course the other big one, which I haven’t mentioned, is coming out, but that’s a book in it’s own right.

   

  When I sat down to write this, it wasn’t going to be about work, it was going to be about how much I enjoy my weekends, how much I like been a woman uninterrupted for two and a half days. I guess I’ve proved to myself, by accident, how much of an issue being out at work is going to be, and how much I’ve been ignoring it. After all it makes my Sunday nights a misery, and I think Sunday night should be one of the most pleasant and special nights of the week. Call me old fashioned but I think Sunday should be special.