Personal thoughts

• Posted by Deleted Member July 24, 2013 #Thoughts  #  #  628 views
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  August 1^st 2013 will once again be a very special day for me because it will mark my seventh anniversary of my being reborn, and although it is a very happy day for me, it will always be tinged with a degree of sadness since the day before, which was the day I was admitted to hospital, would be my mums birthday had she not passed away almost four years ago.

   

  There is never a day goes by that I don’t think about her and how much I miss her, how much of a void losing her has left in my soul and what I would give to be able to spend just one day with her, to tell her all the things I should have told her but for whatever reason I never got around to, especially how much I loved her, especially since I never got to say goodbye to her.

   

  There is however one of my most personal possessions that brings back so many memories.

   

  It’s a very non descript looking circular brass musical box and it is worth more to me than the combined treasures of all the Pharaohs, and one of my most treasured memories of this musical box, was when I was a child, my mum would wind the box up and as we sat there and listened to the music, she would put her arm around me and I would just snuggle in and enjoy that feeling of warmth, security and love.

   

  I think one of the reasons I miss my mum so much, is that out of my entire family, she was probably the only one who came close to accepting me for who I am, post surgery. It was never what you might call “full” acceptance, but small things such as her buying clothes, jewellery, perfume and such for me, or nicking my make up, they may be small signs but they are better than total rejection which I have experienced from other family members and people who I mistakenly thought were friends.

   

  Now, anyone who “really” knows me knows that underneath the leather clad, strat wielding rock chick, is a girl who enjoys a wide variety of musical styles including classical music, and the one piece that means more to me than any is, the one that is played when I wind up this musical box.

   

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzPPVhAs1Hc
  

   

  OK, tell the truth, how many of you expected Richard Wagner? hehehe, and yes, Strauss may seem like romantic sentimentalism to some, but to me, this is a piece of music I can’t listen to without thinking about my mum and while I listen to it, I can still close my eyes and remember those special precious moments we had together.

   

  Love you Mum, and I miss you so much.

   

  xxxxxxxxxxx