why me

• Posted by Deleted Member July 13, 2012 #youth  #fear  #lonely  873 views
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  Really unsure how this blog will turn out, not knowing what I am going to say but inside feeling I want to put down my feelings, probably the first time ever. After finding this site by accident I now realise that I’m not the only one with these feelings, I also realise how much is out there without knowing. Being in this body for so many years and feeling different, dirty, a queer so you try to keep the cupboard door closed tight. Scared and frightened of people finding out. My first recollection of cross-dressing was way back in the 50s  as a young child I had the urge to wear women’s underwear. I  cant remember wearing my mothers clothes but have recollections of wearing my aunts bra, which in the 50s was quite different to today’s.  I remember putting tennis balls in the cups to fill them. My aunt who was a widow lived next door and in those days doors were never locked so I would go in and look around when she was out. Put on her clothes and have a little time to myself. When looking around I found some books Titbits and Spick and Span nothing like today’s porn but to a young boy really something. Why she had these books  I will never know but maybe she was hiding something like me. Perhaps my aunt would have understood if she had caught me. As I grew up I blamed my mother for my feelings as she always told me she wanted a girl, when my sister died at birth things got worse, mum turned to drink and I felt I had let her down by not being a girl but inside wanting to be one. The years went by and still I had the urge to dress, getting female clothing  (mainly underwear) wherever I could even taking panties off clothes lines to try on. Always thinking it would go away but it never did. Got married 2 children still feeling the need to dress, buy the wife nice underwear to wear myself. When she went out and I had to feed my son I would wear underwear to make me feel how I really wanted to. Well like so many you get found out hope she will understand, wrong move find yourself on your own, promise it wont happen again, find that it is not that easy meet someone new should you tell them Yes can I No so once again end up in same situation. Part two to follow