I am Rachael

• Posted by Rachael Louise Blanche October 27, 2016 Filed in Member's Blogs 5,050 views
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  Some things should never been done, either when drunk or sleep deprived, declarations of love, harsh cutting words, driving any sort of vehicle or jumping off high buildings, even posting polls about name changes.

  So why did I do it? Blame on the boggie or sleep deprivation. Well seems I'd just finished a 12hour night shift plus a hour late and having just 3hours sleep, maybe it wasn't the boggie.

  Yer, yer, I hear you say but WHY!

  Some call it the Black Dog, the Black Mood, Dark Shadow, myself it my old friend the Blues. Depression. When you suffering from lack of sleep, my friend Blue does have a why of screwing with my head.

  For a while now, I have been down to say the least. Lack of sleep, lack of energy, hopelessness. I sure there a few who know this creeping fiend, hiding in the shadows and corners of our mind, feeding on our self confidence.

  So after six years free, I'm back on the happy pills, not a defeat, but a helping hand. Why? Well just over 20years ago I have a break down, I crashed and burned, walking along the edge of suicide, I was in a bad place. 20years ago I would of seen any seen taking anti-depressants as a defeat but not now. That was a long and hard road.

  I've also took some time off work, had few days away, a week in Corfu. Spent time with freinds and family.

  As for my name well there was a long time I had no female name, just a male name, tried to be Susan, then Stephanie, the female form of my male name for while. However, since my divorce, I've been Rachael almost 12years now.

  So I had some sleep got my head space back, I'm on the up-ish, called myself a numpty.

  Therefore, I am Rachael.