Hiding in Plain View

• Posted by Rachael Louise Blanche August 25, 2015 3,623 views
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  'He saw her satnding there, among the crowd of people, hiding in sight of everyone...'

   

  I have a tormented soul. Ok, so most of you knew that anyway. However, these is a torment of one trying to surpress their real self.

  You see over the years, I have had the urge/feeling that, (a) I'm not male, (b) I would be happier as a woman. I think I first put my finger on this dilemma, after reading the life story of Tula. Realising the feelings she had I have.

  Now I know I'm not alone in all this. But over the years I believed the 'feeling' to have reduce. More likely I've just surpressed and ignored them to the failure of my own well being.

  However, for about a year know these 'feeling' have come back with venageance, not wanting to surpressed or ignored anymore. To tell the truth I've always preferred seeing femimine photos of myself then my male ones, they look more 'real' some how. And I've always thought of my male ego as my public face rather then my true face. It has also been harder and harder to revert back into my 'male ego', and I'm want to present as female more and more often.

  So whats holding me back? Fear. Not for myself, but for those I love, because I don't want to hurt them, more importantly I don't want the world to hurt them. I know in my heart my path. It's that first step and fear of losing those I love.

   

  I want to shout and scream at the world.............