my jurny

• Posted by Deleted Member April 30, 2012 895 views
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  'Dear People 2010.............
   
  This is my story I would like to share with you. For me it’s about addiction to success.
   
  I knew I was different from the age of 8 years old. This played a very big part of my later years of addiction.
   
  When I was 12 years old my Mother and Father fell out of love. Before then we were all together in a family home in Exeter. After my parents split I moved to Brixham with my mum and brother. Sadly my mum had a breakdown. This had a very big effect on me. Don’t get me wrong, I went to school every day, but under the surface I felt trapped inside.' Click here to read more... 'By the time I was 16 I found Heroin. If only I knew then what road this was to lead me on. This road of destruction lasted for 13 years. I nearly died. In and out of jail for crimes I had committed to feed my addiction.
   
  The Heroin suppressed the trapped feelings I was experiencing with my gender identity disorder. I pushed these feeling inside for 13 years. I couldn't handle them. Every time I went to jail, I ‘got clean’ my feelings would come back and so would the gender issues I was suppressing.
   
  Every time I was released from jail it was straight back to the Heroin, this would numb my feelings.
   
  By now I had wasted all of my teens to this drug. It wasn't until the fourth time I went back to prison that something changed. I received a letter from my Aunt. She stated some home truths, which brought tears to my eyes. I knew then that if I did not change this was going to continue for the rest of my life. She told me I needed to do some deep soul searching.
   
  This time I went straight into The Jatis Project on my release 14/4/2010 from prison. To this day I believe that Jatis has saved me. Thank you Scott. Being as Jatis I gained structure in my life, learnt to like myself. I could learn to work on my feelings I was experiencing. I realised what I had been hiding inside for so long helped to keep me addicted to Heroin.' 'I made up my mind, went to see my doctor. This took so much courage. What was I going to say to him? I told him I have always felt more female than male. This was so hard but I did it. The doctor referred me to see a psychiatrist where I was assessed. Today I live full time as a female. I am comfortable with whom I am and I like myself. I am 8 months clean. I have never achieved this for 13 years. From my present experience it was very important to have structure and support in my life. Positive things to keep me busy.
   
  I would like to say a big thank you to all of the Jatis team for supporting me and giving me back my life.
   
  For me it is a miracle I have found a key to my recovery. I believe by denying, fighting, suppressing my gender disorder played a major role in addiction.
  Today I have time for my family; I can be there for them as they are for me. I am still in Jatis and will be until I feel fully equipped to live independently.
  Thank you for reading my story.