MY FIRST BLOG

• Posted by Deleted Member April 5, 2012 #coming out  #  #Childhood  #Awful wigs  834 views
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  Well this is the first blog I have ever written, ever! And not since my childhood diary have I ever attempted to put thoughts from my brain to paper… well in this case an internet page.

  So first I had better introduce myself. Well I’m Sadie, I’m 27 years old and I guess I’m what you could call a pre-pre-op transsexual or perhaps a crossdresser with ambition who’s on the verge of exposing to the world the femininity I have kept not so well hidden all these years. Oh and I love cream cakes.

  It took me a while to work out that I was ‘born with the wrong body‘. I never played with dolls or sneakily tried on my mothers or older sisters tights and dresses when I was little. Though I was jealous of the fact that girls always had interesting things to wear as boy‘s clothes were and still are really really really boring to look at. So I never really had the typical childhood of a transgendered person. Instead I just felt constantly frustrated, feeling that something was wrong but couldn’t figure out what it was.

  It wasn’t until long after I left school when it finally clicked. After an encounter and some encouragement from a gorgeous drag performer at a local club I put on a cute dress and awful blonde wig and had a ’Ahhh that’s better’ moment. Things like why I could never relate to other boys? And why I cry during all the sad parts in movies? Started to make sense.

  Last summer I decided to tell my doctor and although she was very nice about it all the whole process seemed very unnerving. I’m not sure that treating someone like a mental patient is the best way to help someone through an already stressful situation. And there are way to many standard surgery procedure tick box forms to fill out. But I knew it wouldn’t be as simple and straightforward as walking in, getting the bad bits chopped off and walking out with all the right parts.

   

  I guess its really like anything else in life. If you want something you have to work hard to achieve it. There’s no gender lottery that you can enter into and hope your numbers come up (if anyone wants to invent one though I’d happily buy a ticket or two).

  I think the next big step will be tell everyone else about it, you know, the important people like family and friends.

   

  Mum: Why are you wearing a skirt?

  Me: I always wear skirts mum, all the time. You must be going senile in your old age

  Mum: Maybe, but what’s those two things protruding from your chest under your t-shirt?

  Me: Oh them! Well they’re two spare pairs of socks that I usually keep discreetly hidden in some storage facility that you might have heard being referred to as a bra. You never know when you may need spare socks.

  Mum: If you say so. Son, is there something that you want to tell me?

  Me: (Screaming) I am not your son, I am your daughter (starts crying uncontrollably). Its all your fault, you borned me this way. Or maybe if you had overlooked the fact that I was born with a willy and raised me like you did my sisters none of this would have happened. Its all your fault. (Runs out the room still crying only to come back 5 seconds later) Oh is it still cool for me to borrow that fiver.

  Mum: Er, yes sure

  Me: thanks mum, love you.

   

  Not really sure that would be the best way to go about it.

  But on a serious note I may lose some family and friends whilst I’m on this journey and honestly it’s the only thing that puts me off. I wish we all lived in a world where everyone could appreciate the needs of everyone else and understand that with some things you have to be selfish and think about yourself and what makes you happy. And its really important to me that I have their support.

   

  Anyways. I’ve gone on way to much. So I’ll leave you to have a cup of tea or take a shower or whatever else you were going to do before you decided to read this (and if you have got this far, thank you so much for taking the time to). So take care, big hugs and kisses and if your unlucky I’ll write another of these blog thingys sometime.

  Sadie

  xoxox