Another Slant

• Posted by Mia Wallace April 24, 2012 #  2,162 views
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  Where to start?

   

  I have been reading information about peoples experiences on trangendered websites for several years now and it is quite clear that peoples experiences of being transgendered are so very different.

   

  I keep reading that coming out to one and all is like some sort of Utopia.  Of course it isnt.  Liberating? Obviously.  Those years of guilt from keeping secrets from your nearest and dearest, the fear of being caught...its takes up mental space.  But some sort of heavan? I dont think so.  Come on, you tell everyone what you perceive yourself to be, in some cases no problems, in some cases friends and families are lost...but time is a great healer.  The dust settles.  Now where were we?  Oh yeh, its me.  I'm still the same as I was before I told anyone.  Emotionally no change.  Outlooks no change.  Beliefs no change.  Its still plain old me.  Yes I have freed up some headspace from the lying and the deception, which I suppose helps to a point when dealig with situations, but not radically.  In fact where I am now isnt a lot different.  I can be who I want to be, yeh I want to be the person who pays bills on time, doesnt let my spending get out of control, pay the mortgage, clean up after my senile cat, watches football, goes to the pub but tries and fails not to drink too much etc etc.  I am no different to how I was as a person 2 yrs ago.  Well maybe slightly lonlier but I split with my gf over it.  However we are still best friends in constant communication, love each other to bits. Do we have sex? We didnt have sex when we together so why would we start now. 

   

  So all in all no change.  I'm older and more world wise than I was two or three years ago.  But my mum summed it up when I told her, summed it up in two words 'so what?'  Magic.  The perfect answer. Regardless of packaging I am still me.

   

  So I'll be off down the gender clinic a week today.  Dont worry I won't be back on blogging afterwards pretending I am some sort of higher of state of being - because I wont be.  I'll still be the same halfwit that I was born as.  I dont see it as some voyage, a journey even something spiritual - I'll speak to hopefully a very qualified expert who knows his stuff and give me a bit of advice.  Then I'll get pissed, back home to clean up after the cat, get a takeaway, talk bollocks on the internet, watch the soaps or football and go to bed.  

   

  Life wont change that much regardless.  Ben Mitchell will still be a knobhead, I'll still hate Chelsea, I'll still love my family and my Mortgage wont go down.  

   

  I know writing this goes against the grain somewhat and I clearly do not share the same ideological viewpoints as others but its how I feel.  Theres no right and theres no wrong.  We are all different.  Be a fucking boring world if we wernt. But I gotta agree with my mother - i'm transgendered - so what?