First Psyche - Part 2-

• Posted by April-Mae Juin November 26, 2011 #  1,093 views
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  So there I am - checked my hair,took off my hat checkced my hair again checked the lippy, oh dear looked a bit weather and water cup beaten. But I was reasonably pleased with how I looked, I returned the mirror and sat with my ankels crossed - this was a consciously femme thing normally it would be legs crossed - if not wearing a skirt.  I was awared that I also kinda flopped into the chair - this as you realise is very bad form - hmmm I hadrelaxed too much - and made a mental note not to repeat that. 

   

  I sat looked at the clock it was 15 minutes over my appointment - I was getting concerned- eventually a small asian guy walks into reception - this is obviously my Dr eeeek - muslim - why have they got a muslim psyche to see a trans girl - well anyway he is the one I think- so duly name is called - and April follows him dutifully through, as I walked through the door he alluded to the fact that he is concerned that I might impact the floor adversely with my heels!!! So I get up on tippy toe - not content with me being 6ft 4in I am now tip toeing!!!! WTF??  so I go in to the consultation room, offered a seat, sit down as femininely as possible - this guy is like 5ft 4in!!! 

   

  We clarified the current situation, and how long I have been thinking about this - I explain that I have been virtually 24 hours me for the past 2 years- its over egging the pudding maybe a bit- but after looks of questions about sex- about which I was not lying because I am still attracted to women not men, he is comfortable that I am not a complete head case and tells me that he is going to make a reccomendation to refer me to Charing Cross but there will be delays until something happens- he reiterates that it is important not to miss the appointment- if anything gets in the way they need to be notified. 

   

  I respond obviously that walking 2 miles to get to this place indicates a commintment to making progress- and he agrees, I then ask whether it would be possible to use Leeds I explain that I could perhaps accompany a friend who is already getting treatment at Leeds,  So then he asks have any questions- the only one i can think of is when and he gives a response of maybe up to 6 months,but it could be something comes up sooner- so there you go. Mission accomplished.  As I left the office he held the door open- and as he held the door open he offered his hand- and I responded with a proper girl hand shake- he tells me that my voice and gestures arevery feminine. 

   

  It occurs to me that that was not on my mind- I know that my voice is good but I had not consciously been thinking about my hand gestures.  As I left the office he says there is no need to tip toe - you walk lightly enough I was concerned earlier on that you might be heavy  footed. At this point I was feeling good. 

   

  I went back in to reception and was wished a cheery goodbye, and then I came back in to ready myself in the washroom and  clarify directions for my homeward stretch, so off I trotted ...

   

  About 20 minutes in to the walk- I have a sudden crisis of consciousness- eeek my top is not covering the middle bits I am walking down a quite narrow road- so I unzip my jacket and start fiddling about then I look and see that I had stupidly tucked my tee shirt in my pants- so at this point I am really panicking - so I had to stand in the road pulling my tee shirt out of my trousers- totally paranoid that that was such an unfeminine thing to do - cars are passing- they are not interfering with my life but this was the lowest point of the day.

   

  I walked on- and encountered a group of 6 workmen in front of my - I consciously decided to cross the road - and as I went past they yelled out a few unintelligible remarks - I turned round stared at the one making the loudest noise said in my most alluring voice - well darlin see YOU later - and blew a kiss turned around so utterly theatrically and that brought forth a further barrage of wolf whistles -  a with some ribald laughter too. Did I care - was this baiting - was this fun- I treated this as fun and trotted off in to town to do some window shopping - 

   

  Got in to town- and popped in to the Kiss and Make Up shop - some nice paste jewellery in there so I went in checked some stuff out, whilst I was in there an older plain genetic woman was buying wigs, I did not quite get it - anyway she was having trouble deciding- so in total confidence hair dresser mode I offered to help her sort it out - she agreed and there I am doing my best Gok Wan, after which she smiles says thank you and decides to buy the wig.... I then went to a couple of clothes shops- and walked around picking stuff I could not afford to buy. 

   

  So then I went back to my friends place and I described my day- they told me at that point that the place I had been walking around confidently and in an unthreatened manner was the part of Blackpool which had seen several stabbings,  murder, and rapes in the past 12 months.  I was gobsmacked - 

   

  Yup could have been a lot worse that day. 

   

  xoxo