First Psyche - Part 1

• Posted by April-Mae Juin November 26, 2011 #  1,116 views
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  It was 17th November, I knew that the next morning I would be sat in front of a psychologist / psychiatrist - whatever head doctor. 

   

  All my life I have wanted to prove I was normal,  because I never thought I was in my heart- well the next day I needed to just be me, thats what everyone said, relax and be yourself- I did not feel relaxed, firstly what the hell was I going to wear??? 

   

  I decided to play it down, just wear normal girl clothes, hmmm my friend had dissed my short tops and explained exactly why that might not be ideal, and had kindly passed on a top which really suits me about 2 weeks before this point, so top half sorted, well one layer, bottom half sorted I would have opaque tights on, now the question skirt or jeans, well it was cold, I was going to have to walk 2.5 miles - in Blackpool in the cold-  yup jeans!!!  

   

  Having decided on the jeans, I asked myself the question - shoes??? My ts  friend told me I could not wear the biker boots or gasp my black Skeechers with the purple laces so that meant heels!!! A total of 5 miles in heels - OMG why had I not bought some flatties. Come to that flatties with some cushioning in em!!!

   

  So there I was decided what I could wear - so I checked to see what it looked like this was at 11.00 pm - I had to be at the appointment at 9.30 am eeeeek- that meant leaving at 8.45 at the latest!!! Time was trudging on- I knew as soon as I got in front of the camera- and was happy with the light I would be there for at least an hour- so there I was 1 am in the morning off to bed .... sleeeeeep- 

   

  I set the alarms on the mobi - one at 7 am - and the other at 8 am- and one at 8.45 am final departure .... see I can be organised when I need to be- so 7 am came - and god was it cold!!!!!! Anyway got out of bed into shower it was sooooo cold- anyway did the neccessary 10 minutes, and then on to the make up- this time I had to make up for day time- its different, I do make up for vidz, I do make up for going out in the evening, and then there is daytime make up, which is usually a case of no foundation,  but this time foundation was a key aspect, so I put the max factor on which is nice- bear in mind I had plucked the night before so had to do a few minor adjustments on that front too, but this is max factor which was gifted to me by a friend with blonde hair blue eyes and very light skin, so then I had to put some more on top to match my natural colour.

   

  The foundation took 20 minutes, and then the rest of it took another 10 minutes normally so that was not too bad, I then had a coffee and errrr put my lippy back on - I put my clothes on - I was happy with that,  well I thought I was - it was 5 minutes before departure time I looked at myself - for the first time ever - crisis of confidence I looked like something out of funny girls- I decided the blonde hair - the better wig in honesty had to go I had to be true to April's image, so popped on the dark look, and downtoned the lippy-  just those two things changed the image and confidence level totally. I then popped on my lovely girly crotcheted black hat, evilly described by my mateas my granny hat, just as I was about to go out the door, I realised I had no bag, but the alarm for 8.45 am had gone I had to be on my way... the next 2  hours were going to be very important.

   

  Walking up the road in my high heels caused a few second glances- again as I always say if you are 6ft 3in striding up the road dressed as a girl you are always going to be noticed however feminine your face looks- I gradually pulled back my stride to something more feminine, it was windy, I was concerned horrible Jeremy Clarkson type things could happen to my looser fitting April- ie strong gust of wind eeeeeek!!! - anyway carried on walking, through the quieter parts of town, no hassle, as I started to move out of the main town I started to get a bit anxious - as it was a part I had never been to, but carried on walking- I had got a google map printed which I was following, well referrring to anyway.  I spoke to a mother pushing a pram, to make sure I was heading in the right direction for the football ground she smiled and told me I was indeed. 

   

  I saw the floodlights to the football ground, this is where they kindly sited the clinic - errr hardly the most trans friendly place, but at least easily found,  anyway I had made good time - having walked 2.5 miles in near enough 30 mins - I was amazed- I looked at the entrance- I was on the wrong side (familiar that) anyway had 15 minutes to get to the appointment in time - walked past several doors, I was a bit anxious to say the least, and then I saw the sign above the door -  another Doh moment- I had already tried several other locked doors on the way!!

   

  I entered the building- no one else was there and was greeted with the regular iyaaaaaaaaa - which is the most welcoming greeting you can imagine, particularly when it is coming from a pretty twenty something girl on reception- she was lovely and I felt at ease -no one else there offered me to sit, I sat for about 5 minutes then went to the washroom- it was a disabled washroom - and for some weird reason it had no mirror!!! So there I was windblown and I hadnot brought my handbag I had no clue what I looked like- I asked the receptionist if she had a mirror- and fortunately she did- I went back in the wc, and looked at my hair