My Cross Dressing Revelations

• Posted by Julia Dream October 30, 2017 Filed in Member's Blogs #coming out  #cross dressing  #revelation  2,147 views
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  It's strange how a family funeral brings people together like nothing else. This is true especially when family has become estranged. Recently, at one such family funeral, it struck me that while I knew nothing of what everyone had been up to over the past decades (some travelled a great distance to be there) and it made me realise that most had kept in touch and they all knew about what I'd been up to. More to the point, my cross dressing tendencies were observed way back when I was a child. The tales I was told provoked instant recollection; incidents from forty odd years ago, incidents which had escaped my mind ever since but that now are so clear it's hard to believe they were ever lost to apparent insignificance. Just about everyone said about how I looked exactly like a girl and was always wanting to wear a skirt in summer. My older cousin used to let me wear hers when no one was around and allowed me to experiment with her make up. I remember being caught by my auntie, using her makeup (badly, I might add) and my Mum explaining that I do it at home. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking yo myself, this is what I've got so I'll have to make the most of it,then, looking directly into my own eyes, there was a feeling of panic, almost terror, at the reality of my existence. It sent a shudder through my body and next thing I was right by the tap in the wash basin, but felt I could see myself still in front of the mirror. I'd passed out, that is now obvious, but in the confusion of religious education it felt like more than that. Every so often I'd think things like 'when I'm a girl' then I'd realise life didn't work like that; I was a boy who looked like a girl and that was that. This gender identity continued in to my teens, when lads would wolf whistle at what they thought was a young girl, then would become aggressive or embarrassed at realising their mistake. For some reason I started exercising to make my bum look more feminine, the idea came out of a girls annual. At age 18 I began to shave my legs, my hair was lush, thick and very blonde. I grew a beard to look male from the front, but soon tired of it. Then, from age twenty onwards, any notion of dressing like a girl seemingly vanished, only to emerge fully 15 years later while studying for a degree. Along the way all my family saw it, said nothing and carried on as normal. If only they'd told me. Perhaps I would have embraced my femininity sooner, as post 2003 ot became very apparent to me, but it took another 10 years to finally truly come out to everyone and actually start living it. This must be a familiar story. As we get older we care less and less what people think. Perhaps even if the full realisation had been there all along, I still would not have acted on it when younger. Different times, different aspirations. From a world where material goods were expensive and few and far between in most households and a video recorder was the height of liberated visual entertainment (and would set you back around £500 in the mid 80's) to a new reality where material things are plentiful and experiences are now the new opium for the people. Perhaps then, things have worked out right, both in terms of timing and the time we live in.