Transitioning – Time to Consider Changing My Life

• Posted by Hannah Doran January 24, 2016 #  #MTF  #considering transitioning  1,265 views
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  So I was playing away from home on another site and a message popped into my inbox there. “How do you do it?” My first thoughts were that conversations that start this way don’t always end well. And besides what exactly is “it.” This could be referring to anything know to women or it could just be as simple as IT(Information Technology). There was a clue, the person who sent me the message had a T by their name which on the site concerned identifies you as being from the Trans community and as I am on that site as Hannah there could be a connection there. Maybe!

  So how to answer such a question when you are not 100% sure you know what is going on. For one my brain came up with an answer pretty quickly; “I would like to say naturally, but I have to work at it.” Now I am well aware that it is possible to hold a conversation on line were neither of you know what the other is really talking about, was this going to end up like that. No, it was going to be a lot better that that. It quickly transpired that in this case “it” referred to presenting oneself as female.

  I really wasn’t expecting what came next, upon seeing a picture of me (the photo below) I received the comment “Wow you’re so female I can’t believe you were born male!” Now forget about doing a Naomi Campbell and falling off platform heels, if I hadn’t been sitting down at the time I think I could possibly have fallen off my ballet pumps! I did not see this coming. Now I have had comments on here saying I look natural and (no disrespect to the people making them) I have never really believed them. Whereas I am happy with the girl that looks back at me from the mirror there is a little voice inside my head that says “you’re a man in a dress” and I am sure that I am not the only one who has experienced that. There are times when I lack self-belief and maybe I should have more belief in myself.

  

  The conversation went on, “are you on hormones, have you had the operation?” and my head started to spin, in a good way! What if everybody is right. What if I do look natural as a female? I certainly feel natural and comfortable dressed and living that way. Then the thought about transitioning crept into my head. Those thoughts have filled my mind many times but this time it seems to be different. It seems more serious and less of a “Wouldn’t it be cool if…” fairly tail.

  I am the only person who can make that decision about myself. And I know that I need to do a great deal of thinking about it, after all it is life changing. When I look back over my life, do I really believe and I mean REALLY believe that I am a female trapped in a male body and that my feelings are more than just a desire to connect with my female side. I don’t think I can answer this right now. But what I do know is that the time is right to sit down and put a lot of serious thought and consideration into how the rest of my life is going to pan out.